


the importance of being......liam?

by kaeriot



Category: One Direction (Band), The Importance of Being Earnest - Wilde
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Historical, Identity Swap, M/M, Secret Identity, or at least i hope, this is a mess but y'all will like it i promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 22:49:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17212328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaeriot/pseuds/kaeriot
Summary: James Payne's invented a brother, Liam, so he has an excuse to come up to town and visit Zayn, but wait! When Louis realizes that James lives with a cute guy named Harry on a farm in the countryside, he pretends to be James' non-existent brother, Liam, to visit Harry. Who's actually Liam? No one knows!Mystery? Intrigue? Suspense? Romance? You've got it all right here!(aka the importance of being earnest au that no one wanted or needed but is somehow here anyway)





	the importance of being......liam?

Louis frowned, jotting a quick reminder down in his notebook. Aunt Augusta would be there in—well, he didn’t really know. He  _ would  _ check his pocket watch to be absolutely sure of the time, but it hadn’t worked for years so there was really no point, was there? It read 9:28 at all hours of the day, no matter the  _ real _ time. 

 

Although he supposed his watch was kind of a blessing anyways.

 

9:28, after all, was a nice, romantic hour. Louis wouldn’t mind if the whole world was stuck at 9:28 for a little while. It would be nice, he thought, if he could get rid of dark early mornings and sweaty, humid middays, leave the Earth soft with the glow of sunlight streaming through translucent curtains, with the glow of a sleepy Saturday morning. 9:28 was the perfect time.

 

Also, it wasn’t really proper for a Victorian gentleman of his social standing to be overly concerned with the time. After all, he didn’t want to seem like he had somewhere to  _ be _ . You never had somewhere to be if you wanted to get anywhere in Society, or at least you had to  _ pretend  _ like you never had somewhere to be, because no one in proper Society ever had anywhere to be besides this Lord’s or that Lady’s dinner party or ball, and no two events were ever scheduled on the same day because that would simply be  _ impolite _ , and no one ever wanted to seem  _ impolite _ .

 

And taking the occasional glance at his pocket watch would also be impolite, but going without one would be simply improper. So, really, a broken pocket watch was the ideal situation.

 

Anyway, Aunt Augusta would be coming soon, and he wouldn’t be able to greet her if he was still at the piano figuring this shit out. He could see the trainwreck from here: Niall would greet her at the door, and beckon her into the foyer, where they would wait for Louis to arrive. After a couple minutes spent in complete silence, Niall would smile apologetically and lead them into the drawing room, where his aunt would likely remark on the lilting piano she could just barely hear. She would ask Niall to take her into the ballroom, and of course Niall wouldn’t be able to refuse, so he would take her into the ballroom, and there he would be, cuffs rolled up, hair in complete disarray, scribbling in a notebook by the piano.

 

He couldn’t greet her like that. So, he needed to figure this out.

 

Okay, okay, he could do this. Minor second to perfect—wait, no. Perfect fifth in second inversion to a perfect fifth in first inversion back down to the root. Or, would it sound better if he—no, no, he tried that yesterday.

 

At least the fifth-fifth-root sequence seemed promising.

 

Louis flipped his notebook over and began playing again, wincing as his pinky slipped from a B flat. The melody… Well, it wasn’t  _ bad _ , but it wasn’t  _ great _ either.

 

It just wasn’t that interesting.

 

Louis frowned again. He’d have to work on that at some point. But it was okay because—yes! The sequence fit perfectly.

 

God, he was such a genius. He should go tell Niall.

 

Louis slowly lowered the piano cover before hiding his notebook underneath a stack of sheet music. Wait, sheet music, fuck. Every time Aunt Augusta came over she always invaded a different room of his house, and last time—he shuddered. Last time she yelled at him for not playing British music. Apparently, that made him unpatriotic and he should probably move to Paris if he couldn’t get his head out of Debussy’s ass. 

 

She didn’t phrase it like that, of course. But either way, after that incident, he went out immediately and bought a copy of Elgar’s  _ Concert Allegro _ . All he needed to do now was figure out where he put the damn thing.

 

Ah, there it was.

 

Louis scooped up the pages and made sure to carefully arrange them on the piano before throwing open the pair of glass double doors connecting the drawing room and the ballroom. 

 

“Niall, were you listening?” Louis practically yelled, poking the man in question a couple times in the shoulder.

 

Niall rolled his eyes and continued arranging the tea cups, pointedly ignoring Louis’ antics.

 

Louis draped himself on the tea-less part of the table and pouted at Niall.

 

“Neil, please,” Louis said.”I finally figured out that chord progression that’s been bugging me all week. Tell me I’m a genius.” He stopped to grin widely at Niall, spreading his hands in a self-congratulatory manner.

 

“I didn’t think it was polite to listen, sir,” Niall responded, dropping into an elaborate bow, his voice exuding false politeness. He got like that sometimes, usually when Louis called him Neil. He hated being called Neil.

 

Louis couldn’t understand why. After all, Neil was a perfectly decent name. He would be honored if he, himself, were called Neil. But Niall was generally strange, and he had strange tastes, so Louis let it go. For now.

 

“Actually, wait.” Niall straightened up, leaning on the table beside Louis. “Should I be on my knees for this?” At Louis’ lack of response, Niall lowered himself onto the floor, grabbing at Louis’ trousers.

 

“Please, sir,” Niall begged, struggling to keep the grin off his face. “What can I ever do to make up for my incompetence?”

 

“Four syllables.” Louis snorted, trying to resist the urge to kick him. “Nice.”

 

Niall frowned, his eyebrows furrowing. “I’m trying to seduce you, Lou. Act seduced.”

 

“Or I could kick you,” Louis responded, slowly moving his foot forwards so that his toes rested against Niall’s chin.

 

Niall looked at Louis for a second before moving his chin in one quick motion, trapping Louis’ foot against his neck.

 

“Got you,” Niall said, taking care not to move his chin from on top of Louis’ foot.

 

Louis shook his foot. Nope, that didn’t work. Niall was still attached. 

 

“I could fire you, you know,” Louis said conversationally.

 

Niall exploded with laughter, throwing his head back to allow Louis to regain some feeling in his foot. “That,” Niall said between gasps as Louis freed his foot. “Was the funniest thing you’ve said,” he put his hands on the floor to steady himself. “In a really really long time.”

 

Louis continued looking unamused.

 

“Face it, Lou,” Niall said, attempting to stand up off the floor. “You would die without me.”

 

This time Louis rolled his eyes.

 

“Yes, yes, whatever Niall. But we have actual important stuff we need to do,” he lowered his voice to a whisper. “Aunt Augusta is coming.”

 

Niall choked.

 

“I forbid you from laughing for a week,” Louis said. Niall was a terrible person.

 

“You can’t stop me from doing anything,” Niall responded.

 

Louis remained silent.

 

“Wait, are you seriously going to make sexual innuendos all day but stop me from laughing at them?” Niall said, affronted. “What happened to my rights?”

 

“Well, what am I supposed to do for entertainment, then?” Louis asked, inspecting a tea cup. “Is this Yorkshire?”

 

“I don’t know what you’re supposed to do for entertainment,” Niall replied, moving to take the cup back from Louis. “But maybe you could stop making innuendos about your  _ Aunt _ ?”

 

Louis opened his mouth to respond, but Niall continued on.

 

“Come on, Lou, of course it’s not Yorkshire. If it were, you would drink it all before Lady Bracknell even arrived,” Niall said, laughing again at Louis’ affronted expression. 

 

“Do—“ Louis began and Niall smirked.

 

“Her cucumber sandwiches are right here though.” Niall procured a platter out of what seemed like nowhere and handed it to Louis.

 

Louis took two before setting the platter on the table and taking a seat on the sofa.

 

Niall moved to join him, glancing idly out a window as he walked, starting as a figure caught his eye.

 

“Shit, Lou, James is here,” he said in a desperate whisper.

 

“James?” Louis muttered as Niall ran out of the drawing room. “What the fuck?”

 

Niall arrived quickly, slightly out of breath. 

 

“Mr. Liam Payne,” he said before throwing open the door behind him.

 

Liam winced as he stepped into the room after Niall. “Guys, please, you don’t have to be so formal,” he said, looking at Louis.

 

Louis moved to the side allowing both Liam and Niall to sit. “So, the thing is,” he began in an exaggerated whisper to Liam. “This one,” he dramatically gestured to Niall, who merely laughed and popped a cucumber sandwich into his mouth. “Needs the practice,” Louis continued. “I can’t have him greeting Aunt Augusta like he greets us.”

 

Liam sat a little straighter at the mention of Lady Bracknell. He was so predictable. “Will Zayn be there as well?” Liam asked, trying for casual and failing.

 

Niall and Louis exchanged a look. Liam had been in love with Zayn since forever, and always managed to align his visit with Lady Bracknell’s so that he could maybe have a chance to flirt with Zayn. It was quite ridiculous, Louis supposed, the way Liam kept trailing after Zayn as if he actually had a chance.

 

As if Zayn wouldn’t eventually reject him, as if Aunt Augusta would actually approve of  _ him _ . Louis shook his head. Sure, Liam was perfect and filthy rich, but he simply did not have the pedigree to match.

 

(Liam had been found in a purse, for God’s sake.)

 

Liam coughed. “Can you guys quit staring at each other and actually answer my questions?”

 

Louis leaned back, resting his head against his sofa. “So, what brings you up to town, Payne?” He asked.

 

Liam shifted in his seat. “Nothing much,” he said carefully. “Just pleasure.”

 

“Oh my god Liam, chill,” Niall said. “Yes, Zayn will be there—“

 

“But,” Louis continued, “Aunt Augusta won’t approve of you being in the same room as him.”

 

“What?” Liam asked, turning to face Louis. “Why?”

 

Niall made a  _ you tell him _ gesture, which basically consisted of him vaguely waving his arms around in Louis’ direction, and shrugged at the glare he received.

 

“Because,” Louis began, with a pointed look at Niall. “You flirt,” he raised a hand, “or attempt to flirt at least—with Zayn the entire time he’s here.”

 

“It’s almost as bad as the way Zayn flirts with you,” Niall added.

 

Liam whirled around to grab Niall’s arm and Louis groaned. They had both agreed not to tell Liam anything. 

 

Niall was such a traitor. Louis pulled a tiny notebook out of his jacket pocket and made a note.

 

“First thing tomorrow morning, fire Niall,” he muttered. Liam would be insufferable.

 

This was the worst.

 

“Hey!” Niall protested, turning his lips downward into an exaggerated frown, scrunching his eyebrows to complete the look.

 

“Can you guys argue later?” Liam asked. “Does Zayn really flirt with me?”

 

Louis shrugged. “Don’t know if it really means anything, though.”

 

Liam paused to think, eventually deciding to ignore Louis. “Do you think that if I proposed, he would say yes?”

 

“Are you planning on proposing?” Niall asked, pushing his nose up against Liam’s cheek.

 

Liam blushed and looked down at his hands. “I actually came up to town to propose to him.”

 

“Wait, wait, stop.” Louis leaned forwards. “I thought you were here for pleasure. This sounds like business to me.” He raised an eyebrow.

 

Liam swatted away Niall’s nose before responding. “You’re just unromantic, Lou.”

 

Louis shrugged. He’d been called worse. But, the fact remained that he was right.

 

“I’m not saying that there isn’t something romantic about being in love,” Louis started. “But there really is nothing romantic in proposing. After all, proposals are usually accepted. Then what?  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hiiii my new years resolution is to post all these fics i have sitting in my drafts soooo heres one of them ! i wrote the entire fic in a notebook somewhere dont write fics in notebooks bc now i have to go searching for it but its okay !
> 
> come yell at me on [tumblr](http://kaeriot.tumblr.com/) im begging u i have no friends


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